Again, written in Feb or March.. can't remember.. pardon the anomalous nature of these posts.. perhaps the day I am less conflicted and perpetually noncommittal and open to definition, my posts too, shall be more coherent ;)

"
Flee

There is no room, nor no need for the metropolises to swallow me, or for office corridors to salute and suffocate me. There is no longer need for me to be the walking talking mannequin, the Statue of Liberty of the 21st century’s shackles. The more I stay here the more I become “I” but my “I” does not see, nor hear anything beyond the smog that clogs its inner vision, bemoaning this city of decadence.

So off I go to the foothills of Blue Ridge Mountains, the Appalachians, to that small town with a plethora of antique shops, arched stone bridges over beautiful lakes, raw moonlight and bold starlight as I dance to the reunion with home. Nature awaits me folks, and after I am done living life out here in the middle of this nothingness called Northern Virginia, I want to venture out and become the somebody who became a nobody and from whom no one hears again. I’ll be the blue sky when you look out your office cubicle, the dew drops when you walk across the field to go to your classroom, the organic grapefruit when you dig into your McDonalds. Yes sir, ma’am and mademoiselle, of I go to my home.

"

Another piece from Feb '08

Dancing with out M o v e me nt

"Instead of exerting all your energy outwards,
attempting to penetrate into the Reality of your external world so keenly,
why not let go?
Shift focus inwards and let. life. be.
Reconnect with your inner calm and
reorient that energy by releasing into a beautiful

nothingness.

Pave way for inward clarity in face of outward fragmentation and
apparent emptiness.

Stop attempting to decipher clarity in outward forms
even if you find it temporarily - it is always subject to change.
Your clarity should not be contingent upon outward coherence and harmony.
That would be foolish.
Close your eyes and let those thoughts loose.
Let them dance a dance of chaos and triumph.
Let them don the decadence of the day.
Release yourself of the shackles with which these thoughts have
bound you-
And dance your own inner dance.
No movement. No twirling. No pushing, shoving, tossing, turning.

rooted to the Roots.
grateful silence.

You can only be fully in tune with others and your surroundingsif you are first in tune with yourself.You can only be in tune with yourself if you reconnect with al Haqq."

The following are 'post-undergrad lessons in learning' that I drafted out back in February '08.. it's funny, more lessons are always in the making. I have a more comprehensive list of 'lessons' from other friends that I can share upon request..

Lessons in Learning

1. Undergrad may well be the only time you are surrounded by tens of thousands of students, about your age, more or less committed to learning, growing and remaining open-minded and energized about life at large. It’s contagious
2. So is the working world. Beware!
3. Everyone will have a different experience with life period.
As Asma said, it’s time “to find your internal energy vis a vis the world,” midst a passive, seemingly immutable environment
4. You are your own creator of change. There are not as many measurable external opportunities.
5. Tests your patience and endurance in face of negativity, pervading complacency an/or discouragement.
6. Really tests your inner strengths and dares you to develop them more deeply.
7. ACCEPTANCE
8. Deal with forgotten issues or other people’s baggage – and your own.
9. Purifying love & compassion for self and those one loves. Sometimes the reason we are unable to be fully compassionate with others is because are too harsh on our own selves.
10. Holding on to the only certainties of existence against overwhelming uncertainties and complacent dullness. Certainties i.e. things you wholly believe or strive to believe in, things you are utterly passionate about, that which gives you life against the pervading mentality of your surroundings – even your own home.
11. Forgiveness.
12. More soul-searching – being forced to find energy from within – more “alone” than before without support of family and presence of majority of your friends
13. Shifting priorities: thinking beyond what you perceive to be your uncompromising needs. Thinking about others, especially family members through a less individualistic and self-centered lens.
14. Letting go of control
15. Realizing how much we’re attached to affirmation from others. How much we’re attached to our self-image. We don’t know how much we cling to this until the tide turns against us with people openly disliking you, brutally honest about their distaste for you, and most of the time, for absolutely no reason at all.
16. Accepting your insecurities and moving beyond them.
17. Dispelling self-measurement. But if pressed to measure, then measuring your worth not just by what you do, but who you ARE.

After yanking my ear lobe out of yet another dull conversation that seems to be a rerun of recycled conversations that have cluttered my mind, body and soul over the past few months, I decided to begin this blogging business. Of course, beginnings are often incomplete. And of course, I am by choice commitment-phobic.

That said, I begin writing because I just don't want to die before my time comes you know? No, this isn't a cheesy effort to immortalize my words. But seriously, everyone I seem to talk to these days seems so overused and dead. I blame them not. Circumstances, the hellish cubicle that drains you of any ounce of vibrance you may have formerly stored, or just life takes its toll on you, and you surrender to a surface acceptance of your surroundings - and yourself. I want to continue living, breathing. Learning and growing and watering the dryness of those around me. As a friend of mine once said, "as long as you're learning you're living. Once you stop learning, you're as good as dead". I don't know if it he came up with it or as is the trademark of 21st century speech, "borrowed" it from someone else, yet it's something I ponder even today.